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The Colbert Report

Timothy Garton Ash News/Business. Timothy Garton Ash. (2011) Author Timothy Garton Ash. (CC)

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DURATION
00:30:00

RATING
PG-13

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San Francisco, CA, USA

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Comcast Cable

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Port 5678

VIDEO CODEC
mpeg2video

AUDIO CODEC
mp2

PIXEL WIDTH
720

PIXEL HEIGHT
480

TOPIC FREQUENCY

Stephen 8, Pakistan 7, America 4, Geico 3, Us 3, Colbert 3, Stephen Colbert 3, Washington 2, Mgd 2, Obama 2, Timothy Garton 2, Afghanistan 2, Viacom 2, Gatorade 1, United States 1, You 1, Barack Obama 1, Media Access Group 1, Unlimited Unions 1, Mastercard 1,
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  Comedy Central    The Colbert Report    Timothy Garton Ash  News/Business. Timothy  
   Garton Ash.  (2011) Author Timothy Garton Ash. (CC)  

    July 1, 2011
    2:30 - 3:00am PDT  

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possible but that's not possible all over the place. >> jon: do we have unrealistic expectations about the idea of rebuilding countries that we in some ways helped unbuild? ( laughter ) >> look, in afghanistan, we helped drive the soviets out of there. we pulled out of there in 89, 90 91. we know what happened in the next 10 years, the people in expwafg in terms of 9/11. i don't think we want to go through that again. if that means we have to keep 100,000 troops there forever, it's a war that was underresourced under president bush. president obama did the right thing, i think, in surging there and i think we can draw down as long as we do so responsibly. it's not easy, though, and there's no one solution for each part of the world, obviously. but we can't turn our backs on the world, jon. i know you would like to. i don't want to fight a strawman here. >> jon: i'm very fond of the world. ( laughter ) i don't want people to get hurt-- >> and the world is very fond of you.
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>> jon: right now, the military and military families are bearing an overwhelming weight of these wars, and it's not fair what they're going through, and i just feel like we have to come up way whole new strategy, that's all. ( applause ) i'm always happy to have you on the show. >> i agree with the last statement to some degree. i do -- >> you qualify everything. >> if you go to the pentagon they'll say that, the army and marines are fighting the war and the rest of the country is watching. there's some truth to that. on the other hand it's hard to know how to help but there's a lot of truth that. >> jon: thanks so much for coming by. bill kristol, everybody.
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captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> stephen: tonight the fcc rules about whether i can talk about my pac on the air. spoilary all right, i'm talking about my pac on the air. then, can we trust pakistan to find out i'll close my eyes and fall into their arms. (laughter) >> stephen: and my guest timothy garton ash believes reporting the facts can change the course of history. then again, so can wikipedia. a french couple has adopted a 265 pound gor la. and in tomorrow's news, a french couple is malled by newly orphanned gor la. this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing )
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the report, everybody! thank you for joining us. thank you, everybody. stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: beautiful, thank you so much, everybody. you're too kind. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: folks, thank you, thank you here, up there, i want to say i had to any half -- thieves who are joining us tonight. hope all your attacks are plus two.
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nation, tonight you are witnessing history so i hope you all remember where are you right now. for me, i'm right here. (laughter) write that down so i don't forget. because i just flew back from washington, and boy, is my everything tired. (laughter) because today i changed the course of america, appearing before the federal election commission to convince them to let me form colbert superpac. the key issue, folks, would talking about my pac on the air constitute an in-kind donation from viacom forcing viacom to report sensitive financial secrets. for instance, that vh1 annual operating budget is $14. (laughter) >> stephen: those bon jovi videos aren't going to pay for themselves. now folks, we've all waited two months for this decision. let's get straight to today's explosive committee room action. jim? >> the first item is an a
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advisory opinion request submitted on behalf of stephen colbert. >> by contrast, b and c conclude that cost associated with those -- ab and c, reach the same conclusions on the following issues. >> a couple of things. >> earlier -- set forth in agenda document 11-38 question one. >> the certain something -- do not have to be required. and but if you do, then -- (laughter) >> stephen: if only, if only there had been more arcane bureaucratic jargon we might have been carried on c-span 3. of course, i was there to get my rights by any means necessary. and i let those commissioners have it with both barrels. >> good morning. >> yes. >> you're welcome. (laughter) >> stephen: oh yeah. oh yeah! (cheers and applause)
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>> stephen: yeah. i went there. i popped the you're welcome in there. of course it was the most important moment of my political career. so i took exhaustive notes. (laughter) finally after all the deliberation it was time for the commission to vote. >> i move to approve agenda document 11-38 which is draft a. all in favor say aye. >> aye. >> opposed. commission carries 5-1. mr. colbert you may form your pac and proceed as the commission has advised in this opinion. >> stephen: whoo! i can have superpac! whoo! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: come on! yeah, bab baby. now i realize that some of
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these balloons look a little ripe. that's because we put them up there 60 days ago when we first filed for the advisory opinion along with a flock of free speech doves. so (laughter) i had won the vote folks, but i would not officially have a superpac until my papers for the superpac were filed with the secretary of the fec. >> no superpac yet. still no superpac. no, oh, it's just a handshake. no superpac yet. paperwork's still to come. and superpac! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you very much. newly and superpacked t was
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time to head outside and address the colbert supernation. hello, nation. >> hello! >> stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: i am here to represent your voice. so please quiet down so we can all hear what you have to say with my mouth. (laughter) >> stephen: fill owe americans, ladies and yes, supporters, friends, and federal employees with extremely generous lunch break policies, 60 days ago today, on this very spot a young man petitioned the fec for permission to form a superpac to raise unlimited monies and use the moneys to determine the winners of the 2012 elections. can anyone tell me -- (cheers and applause) >> stephen: can anyone tell me who that young man was. it was me.
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now some people have cynically asked is this some kind much joke? well, i for one don't think that participating in dem obling -- democracy is a joke. i don't think that wanting to know what the rules are is a joke. but i do have one federal election law joke if you would like to hear it. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: knock, knock. >> who's there? >> stephen: unlimited unions and corporate campaign contributions. >> stephen: unlimited unions and corporate contributions who? >> stephen: that's the thing. i don't think i should have to tell you. (laughter) of course, there will be others who say stephen colbert, what will you do with that unrestricted superpac money. to which i say, i don't know. give it to me and let's find out. since i don't know about you, but i do not accept limits
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on my free speech. (cheers and applause) i don't know about you, but i do not accept the status quo. (cheers and applause) but i do accept visa, mastercard and american express. (laughter) thank you. god bless america. and for eight yets out there, guess under height, the united states of america, we did it. >> i am a superpac and so can you! >> then like washington crossing the delaware to ask it for money, i waded into the crowd with a credit card swiper attached to my ipad. >> that's it. thank you. just throw it out, ball it up and throw it at me.
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thank you. folks, i want to thank all those people who swiped their cards in the right slot today. and for those of you who swiped it in the wrong slot, thank you even more. (laughter) >> stephen: now you too, you,, nation, out there can be part of history by logging on to my brand-new web site colbert superpac.com. we weren't allowed to keep the e-mail addresses we collected from colbert pac.com because they remain the property of viacom.com so sign up again but i assure you, that those 130,000 e-mails we collected last time will not go to waste. they're being sold to a chinese cybercrime syndicate. and folks, you'll be getting an e-mail reminding you to switch to colbert superpac right -- now. and when you sign up, you will get this personal form letter of thanks from me.
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it is suitable for printing out and framing if you have a frame. (laughter) >> stephen: please donate, nation. because you can't spell donation without nation and dough. (laughter) we are going to fix america together! we will build a better tomorrow, tomorrow. literally. i can't build it today. i'm just so tired. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause)
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(cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back, everyone. thank you. folks, speaking of pacs, recently pakistan's intelligence service arrested the members of their own organization who had helped us find osama bin laden. this is renewed calls to cut off the billions in aid we give to pakistan every year. now others say that money keeps pakistan a stable and important ally in the war on terror. so what should we do? well, an issue this complex can only be tackled with someone with a keen mind and vast international experience. me, stephen colbert.
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this is formidable opponent. stephen, thanks for coming. anything for you, buddy. >> after all, we are partners in the war on terror. >> stephen: yes, we are. >> stephen: i said partners in the war on terror. >> stephen: oh, sorry, i wasn't listening, i'm sorry. there you go. (laughter) >> stephen: okay, it's all there. and oh, yeah, one rocket launcher. you didn't get this from me. >> stephen: didn't get what? (laughter) >> stephen: stephen, how can we keep paying pakistan? they arrested everything who helped us. there could be no doubt now that they were harboring osama bin laden. >> allegedly he was in a
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mansion next to their military academy. if they weren't complicity, they were incompetent. >> stephen: not necessarily. they could be income pet-elicit. where you are helping the enemies but are really bad at it. all the supply lines to afghanistan run through pakistan. >> stephen: who cares, that war is unwinnable. >> stephen: yes, but without their help, we can't keep fighting it. >> stephen: the point is, they are a nuclear power therefore we need their friendship. >> stephen: friendship, they funded the mumbai attacks much. the times square bombing was planned in pakistan. and they sold nuclear technology to iran and north korea in the '90s. >> stephen: oh, the '90s. let's stay angry about furbies an parachute pants. look, we need to give them an ultimatum. stop supporting terror or no more aid. >> stephen: easy now, buddy. this is a partnership, just
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like you and me. we're partners. but that doesn't mean you get to decide who my other friends are. >> stephen: i just think jill's a pitch. >> stephen: we're not having this conversation again. >> stephen: the point is, some of my other friends like to do things that you don't like to do. like skiing, or trying to kill you. >> stephen: but that has nothing to do with our friendship. >> stephen: wait, one of your friends wants to kill me? >> stephen: no. >> stephen: yay, me, stephen albert. >> stephen: wait, where did he come from. >> stephen: well, he was standing next to me but i was not hiding him. i just didn't notice or was hiding him. >> stephen: i want to kill you for your freedom. >> stephen: well this is awkward. >> stephen: yeah, i'm not giving you any more money. >> stephen: what? you might give it to him. >> stephen: yes, give it to me. you know c-4 explosive, they just released c-5.
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>> stephen: don't worry. i won't give it to him as long as you keep giving me money. >> stephen: i'm not going to do that. >> stephen: well, i've got to get money from somewhere. you want to buy a rocket launcher. >> stephen: oh, yes, i can pay you in cash, diamond or daughters. >> stephen: no, no, fine, fine. here. there you go. >> stephen: thank you. >> stephen: and thank you. oh i hate you so much. >> stephen: you just gave him my money. >> stephen: i have heard these disturbing rumors and i will conduct a thorough internal investigation. which will require more money. >> stephen: go [bleep] yourself. >> stephen: all right, suit yourself. there you go. >> stephen: thank you. >> stephen: no! >> stephen: yes! >> stephen: don't worry i'll get that rocket launcher
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back. i just need some more money. >> stephen: wait, you take the infidel's money. i kill you too! >> stephen: see, we have the same enemies. and the enemy of my enemy is my friend. >> stephen: then you're a terrible friend. >> stephen: and you, sir, are a formidable opponent. (cheers and applause)
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>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight is an author and historian. his new book is called facts are subversive. that's why hi my encyclopedia arrested. please welcome timothy garton ash. (cheers and applause) hey, mr. garton ash, thanks
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so much. now the name of your book is called facts are subversive. political writings from a decade without a name. what dow mean facts are subversive? >> i mean exactly what it says. for example --. >> stephen: i don't know what it means, though. i mean i wouldn't have asked the question if i understood that. >> if we had met, the factses about saddam hussein, weapons of mass destruction, namely he didn't have any. >> right. >> britain would not have gone to war in iraq. maybe the united states would. >> stephen: i don't know. are the facts important there. because i have to be a fan of facts. because feeling is first. and it felt right to get saddam, did it not feel like -- seems like a bad guy, seemed dangerous. feels like take them down. later the facts subverted that good feeling. so what good are the facts? >> in subverting that good
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feeling. >> stephen: you want to make me feel bad. >> i want to make you feel bad. >> stephen: really. >> stephen: if you feel that way. i believe in the reality-based community. i mean --. >> stephen: reality is pretty sad. >> stephen: it can be but then we have more need of comedians. >> stephen: you know what f you find a good one, tell me about him. >> where might i look. >> stephen: jon stewart. (laughter) he's really funny. he's really funny. let me ask you, political writing from a decade without a name this past decade, you mean. >> it's a weird decade which in a way begins with 9/11 and i think ends on the fourth of november 2008 when barack obama was elected president. and i think the very different agenda comes because obama's election comes with a financial and economic crisis. and suddenly that whole narrati